Love.
Love...
It's a word thats used too often and too freely these days. Two of my friends have suddenly called off their engagement (after being together for 5 years) and another friend is talking engagement after dating a man for a month. She says she's so deeply in love and knows it for sure. I've known so many people in my life, and a very large group of them I can say that I love them. Yet I have never felt that way about a man. I don't think I've even really had the chance to. I start dating someone and all of the sudden I find a flaw that suddenly turns into a deal breaker. I so desperately want to feel that kind of love and yet I continually sabotage myself.
I guess the real question here is: is it really true that you'll just "know" when you're in love? If that's so, can obligation and/or comfort masquerade as love? I believe that my friends were in love, and knew it for sure...and yet 5 years later they both walk away with broken hearts.
Love... it's tricky business. I come from a family where my mother and father have been married for 30 years and still incredibly happy. Maybe that has tainted my way of looking at love. Or maybe at some point it will come in as an advantage. Either way, I'm exhausted.
It's just over a week till Valentine's Day...perhaps Cupid has an arrow for me this year. Perhaps not. Perhaps I don't even believe in Cupid anymore. Maybe only in myself...
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Listen here people, this isn't an HBO hit series...
Ok,
So I've been living in New York City for 2 1/2 years now, and I feel as though I have gained enough knowledge to put it down on paper...or on the internet for the world to see...same difference.
The truth is, I can't afford Prada ( I can barely afford Payless), my jeans size is a double digit number, I'm not a chain smoker, and I have a roomate because I can't afford a place on my own. All of that being said, I think I could give Carrie Bradshaw a run for her money.
It's funny because I have a Miranda, I have a Charlotte, and I have a Samantha. I guess that makes me the Carrie of the group, despite all the things mentioned above...
New York City is a funny place. There are millions and millions of people all around me, and yet I have had times where I have never felt so alone. Everyone is moving at the speed of light, and no one seems to stop to look someone straight in the eyes. We wonder why the rate of people using online dating is so high these days. We can't stop long enough to have a 3 minute conversation with the guy in line at Starbucks in the morning because we're already late because the trains weren't running, or Habib the cab driver took the long way cross town. So now, instead of happy hour after work, we're meeting people from the comfort of our own homes and the safety of our laptop screens. We can work on a project for tomorrow's meeting and chat with a cute 30 something hedge fund guy at the same time.
Aside from only being 25 years old, and still having a lot to learn, I feel like a child in the world of dating. I was never the girl who "dated" in high school, I was the loud obnoxious best friend of the girl who always had a boyfriend (which is super fun I totally recommend it...) and college was all about classes, rehearsals, partying and guys wanting to get laid. Didn't really leave much room for a relationship to blossom . Perhaps I'm shy and perhaps I'm a "late bloomer" as my dad always says, or maybe I'll end up being one of the lucky ones. One of the ones who waited until she was actually a real live grown up to figure out exactly what she wants from this whole dating scene. Either way, theres no better time than the present. It's like the past few months have been my very own little coming out party and so far I'm having a blast.
So, if you feel like stopping in every once in a while, perhaps there will be a glimmer of something to make sense to someone, or maybe it will just be my own form of therapy. Either way, thanks for stopping in. ;-)
Peace out,
Beth
So I've been living in New York City for 2 1/2 years now, and I feel as though I have gained enough knowledge to put it down on paper...or on the internet for the world to see...same difference.
The truth is, I can't afford Prada ( I can barely afford Payless), my jeans size is a double digit number, I'm not a chain smoker, and I have a roomate because I can't afford a place on my own. All of that being said, I think I could give Carrie Bradshaw a run for her money.
It's funny because I have a Miranda, I have a Charlotte, and I have a Samantha. I guess that makes me the Carrie of the group, despite all the things mentioned above...
New York City is a funny place. There are millions and millions of people all around me, and yet I have had times where I have never felt so alone. Everyone is moving at the speed of light, and no one seems to stop to look someone straight in the eyes. We wonder why the rate of people using online dating is so high these days. We can't stop long enough to have a 3 minute conversation with the guy in line at Starbucks in the morning because we're already late because the trains weren't running, or Habib the cab driver took the long way cross town. So now, instead of happy hour after work, we're meeting people from the comfort of our own homes and the safety of our laptop screens. We can work on a project for tomorrow's meeting and chat with a cute 30 something hedge fund guy at the same time.
Aside from only being 25 years old, and still having a lot to learn, I feel like a child in the world of dating. I was never the girl who "dated" in high school, I was the loud obnoxious best friend of the girl who always had a boyfriend (which is super fun I totally recommend it...) and college was all about classes, rehearsals, partying and guys wanting to get laid. Didn't really leave much room for a relationship to blossom . Perhaps I'm shy and perhaps I'm a "late bloomer" as my dad always says, or maybe I'll end up being one of the lucky ones. One of the ones who waited until she was actually a real live grown up to figure out exactly what she wants from this whole dating scene. Either way, theres no better time than the present. It's like the past few months have been my very own little coming out party and so far I'm having a blast.
So, if you feel like stopping in every once in a while, perhaps there will be a glimmer of something to make sense to someone, or maybe it will just be my own form of therapy. Either way, thanks for stopping in. ;-)
Peace out,
Beth
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