How long does it really take?

Love.
Love...
It's a word thats used too often and too freely these days. Two of my friends have suddenly called off their engagement (after being together for 5 years) and another friend is talking engagement after dating a man for a month. She says she's so deeply in love and knows it for sure. I've known so many people in my life, and a very large group of them I can say that I love them. Yet I have never felt that way about a man. I don't think I've even really had the chance to. I start dating someone and all of the sudden I find a flaw that suddenly turns into a deal breaker. I so desperately want to feel that kind of love and yet I continually sabotage myself.

I guess the real question here is: is it really true that you'll just "know" when you're in love? If that's so, can obligation and/or comfort masquerade as love? I believe that my friends were in love, and knew it for sure...and yet 5 years later they both walk away with broken hearts.

Love... it's tricky business. I come from a family where my mother and father have been married for 30 years and still incredibly happy. Maybe that has tainted my way of looking at love. Or maybe at some point it will come in as an advantage. Either way, I'm exhausted.

It's just over a week till Valentine's Day...perhaps Cupid has an arrow for me this year. Perhaps not. Perhaps I don't even believe in Cupid anymore. Maybe only in myself...